“Everyone who doubted us will see that 500 miles and an eight-year age gap can’t stop true love. My Kevin is out there still, I know it. He promised me he’d come back for me once his band made it big and he’ll take me away from this awful town. You see, he’s really good at power chords,” said 17-year-old Jenson.
“I keep telling Pat (Sajak) that if I can bum an ‘E’ or even an ‘A’ I will definitely get back at him later once I solve this phrase. I’m totally good for the money,” said Hughes.
“I don’t know if the years of touring and singing about ne’er do wells have gone to my head, but I can’t be the only one seeing this kid, right? He’s been hanging around for a few weeks now and frankly I thought he was one of the superfans given his impeccable Dickensian getup and knowledge of 1800s maritime vernacular,” said Meloy.
Now before you bust my balls about being an unrepentant polygamist, I would remind you that it is Christmas and should focus on the things that really matter like being with family. It just so happens I have two of them, and I’ll have you know it’s a lot of work.
“It’s been two weeks and I haven’t seen a trace of him since. I can only hope he found a new place to hunker down, but if we’re being realistic the fact that I have all three forms of Hepatitis doesn’t bode well for that furry little guy.”
